this

inside of this quiet world of wordless thought
i am certain i am the only thing left awake
but the walls creak and they ache as i rest
against the clouds and the air, the night is gliding by
above trees waving, shifting, swaying with their leaves
shining behind the clouds a star spins and disappears
orion leans against a roof and i smile
how blue the dark sky appears against glowing leaves
the wind is a voice as it whispers through these
a police siren moans, the night breaks completely, a phone rings
through a window, a voice speaks "i lay down on the floor..."
a car door opens but i can't hear it close
my blanket hangs loosely and the lamp light pierces it
i stand with my shadow on the wall, which reminds me
the only certainty left is
this is this is this is

i might have drowned but i held my breath and kicked my feet and moved my arms around.

there are days when i am quite certain that my heart is going to fall right out.

lately, days have been going by without me noticing a thing. i lay in bed at night and try to recall a beautiful thing that happened but only the mundane and the usual, the steady tides and the setting suns reveal themselves to me. i can't even remember a beautiful thing that i saw this week, or the past 14 days, or perhaps more. if there is nothing to recall then there is nothing to learn from, nothing to gain, nothing to ramble on about. not so long ago i believed it was only passion and ruination that could inspire me to evolve, but this mediocrity fuels me more than anything else ever has. the more quiet my life becomes the more effort i put into building my escape-boat. the destination it will bring me to is still unknown but the drifting between there and here is the only beautiful thing i desire to see.