boxes

things are coming along slowly. a strange new pace for a strange new place. previously the days came at me and were gone before i woke up, and the nights were filled with goings out and drinking and more sleeping. constant company and distractions. sleep doesn't really come anymore. it is only in the early morning (at the time my previous friend, my roommate, would rise) i can sleep for a short while. in my dreams i wish to wake to find a life in the boxes and the piles of clothes that once cocooned me. but when i awake they only taunt. they dare me to miss the people connected with all of them. the connections are all imaginary, of course. most of the objects never came near to the people i associate with them. a lot of the people were never even near me. so the boxes just stare at me, smirking, laughing at my foolishness. they wait to be addressed and i wait for a life to develop here that will shield me from their memories.

there might be a ghost here. one seperate from my own.

12 days in. 13 days gone.

complaint box.

drove 1.5 hours to jacyle island for the sherman. played fetch and ran a bit. very windy, a bit cold. hid behind a dune to watch the sky turn black while lauryn, ben, and sherman took a walk.

drove 1.5 hours back home.

stared at pictures for hours. some that i shouldn't have. i can't really remember why i decided to abandon a life i was mostly happy with. i guess i need to escape something/someone, but i don't think distance can possibly set this hurt free. now instead of missing one person i am missing my whole life.

ended the day with a wine and cheese hour (club crackers and cream cheese)

note to self: don't eat in bed while upset... cream cheese everywhere... sorry, mom.


things will get better soon.

rely/alliances/reliances

holes to fill, time to chart, comforts to be reclaimed. so deeply carved into my heart, these people whose lives i can only be ghost in. a city is frozen in temperature and time, but has already changed completely without me. i hear it is warmer now. i hear the gap i left is closing fast.

my neighbor two doors down from me was singing very loudly yesterday:
"i don't care where we go, i don't care what we do. i don't care pretty baby, just take me with you"
wish you were here to sing/dance along.