oh the past few days have been quite bad, aside from immediate gratifications such as new clothing, and arranging/rearranging everything. no real reason, just a sentimental gravitational change. yes, it is easy to hate the things that don't exist, it is easy to feel nothing towards situations that could or could not happen, it is even easier to love or hate someone you don't know at all. anything is better than rejection, though i have survived it and have come out lacking major injury most times. i suppose there is nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be sad about, nothing really ever worth regretting. this happens then that happens to this which just happens again and again and again. it is all endless and it is all better that way.
i will make an effort to escape these walls tonight. i will make an effort to connect with someone else, and to be less sad for a few hours. perhaps not sad at all.
i think i have been gone all along, no numbers worth mentioning today.