there is an inability to speak honestly that has covered my mouth and eyes and hands. this dishonest veil is being lifted slowly and carefully, for though it has been unwanted and frustrating, its fragile dejected state must be respected and cared for tenderly. if it were to be removed too quickly or violently, its fragments could not explain the purpose it served for so long.
as i lay in undisturbed solitude i find my body is rupturing in anticipation of something inconceivable and unreachable while my mind is lucid and still. i look to the future for clarity and direction but can't see past the low and lofty clouds. no matter how infrequently i call upon it, the past can still visit and fill me like a match being lit. the only difference in its illuminations are their ability to be extinguished in a simple breath. what i have now is surrounding me at this moment. it is all right here and i can see it and taste it, however foul or sweet, i have it to know now, not later or prior to, it is it is and it is. i am returning home very soon, changed only slightly, still baring the same foolish heart. i barely recognize my own reflection at times but it is not because i am so different, it is myself that i can see now for the first time.
there are still words building up in my chest and i have no where else to put them but on the stale summer air. they are lost and surreal in the pulsating heat, but i know you are still finding them when you want to, and this does bring the same foolish smile and waves through my soul. i savour and cherish these moments as i would upon watching a stag and a doe contrasting against white white snow.